


Please Hold (Me)

by MusicAndGoodBooks



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of sexual content but nothing actually happens, Strong Language, This is ridiculous but I'm kinda proud of how it turned out anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9667328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicAndGoodBooks/pseuds/MusicAndGoodBooks
Summary: AU where Dan works for Another Digital Distribution Company and Arin just wants to get some work done but he repeatedly has trouble getting into his account.





	1. Security Questions.

**Author's Note:**

> Gather 'round children, it's story time.  
> This actually started out based on something that happened in real life to my best friend, she called the number on the back of her bank card and the guy on the phone asked her for her date of birth, she answered, then he asked for her star sign. 
> 
> Sorry Hot Wheels, I know you're not a GG fan, but I thought the situation was hilarious, and it sparked this fic. 
> 
> Let me know in the comments if you find any mistakes, or if you have any other thoughts :)

“Thank you for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, my name’s Danny, how can I help you?”

“Hi Danny, I’m calling because I can’t get into my account.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. What’s your account name?”

“Egoraptor.”

“Okay,” I hear the noisy clacking of keyboard keys on the other end of the line. “First name?”

“Arin.” I try to hide the irritation in my voice. I’ve already been through this with two reps before this guy, they should have my information on file already. Why do they make this shit so hard?

“Could you spell your name for me please?”

Mother of god. I clench my teeth and proceed with my name. “‘A’ as in art, ‘R’ as in rain, ‘I’ as in indigo, ’N’ as in neapolitan ice cream.“

“Perfect.” Clackclackclackclack. “Last name?”

“Hanson. Do I need to spell that too?”

“No, no, that’s perfect, Mr. Hanson, I’m just going to need to ask you some quick security questions.” It sounds like we’re finally getting somewhere.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“What’s your date of birth?”

“January 6th 1987.”

“So you’re an Aquarius then?”

“Excuse me?” I’m not sure I heard him right.

“Your star sign. Is it Aquarius?”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me. Do you really need to know that for me just to get into my damn account? I’m one hundred percent positive that was _not_ one of the security questions I set up.”

“Oh, no, I’m sorry. I was just, um, I was curious.”

“Well save your fucking curiosities for when you’re off work, okay, Danny?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Hanson.”

The goddamn nerve of some people.

“What’s your middle name?”

“Joseph.”

“Arin Joseph Hanson, that’s a nice name.” I picture this swanky blonde kid, fresh out of college — probably for something super pretentious like communications — sitting in his cushy leather desk chair, taking up my precious time and smiling about it.

Oh my fucking god. This guy. “Listen, I’m about thirty-seconds from hanging up and trying to get help from a new rep even though it’s going to take me all damn day and I still have a fuck ton of shit to do. Can you get into my account or not?”

“Sorry about that, I have your information right here. Do you have the webpage up?”

“ _No_ , I went to take my fish for a walk and left my computer at home. Of course I have the fucking website up. I’m still trying to get into the damn thing.”

“Awesome,” Danny walks me through the steps to get into my account and then leaves me on hold to do a survey.


	2. Three Days Later.

“Fucking hell!” I’m sitting at my desk trying to log into my ADDC account and the same error message keeps popping up.

_ERROR: You are not authorized to access this account. Please call customer service if you believe this is a mistake._

“You all right there, buddy?” Ross rolls his chair away from his desk and looks over the backrest at me.

“No. Not okay. Nope.” I slam my forehead off the desk repeatedly.

“Can I do anything to help?”

“You could pretend to be me and call ADDC so I don’t have to deal with their shitty customer service again.” It’s taken me three days to calm down from the last experience, I'm not sure I can handle another one. I turn the monitor to show him the error message.

“You couldn’t pay me enough to do that.” He smiles and turns back to his computer.

I dial the phone number for ADDC and turn my chair to face Ross, hoping if I glare hard enough I might be able to blow up his head or manipulate his mind into taking this call for me, but he doesn’t seem to notice my gaze, or if notices he’s not bothered. He just stares straight at his computer screen and keeps typing.

“Hello, thank you for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, my name’s Michelle, what can I do for you?”

“Hi Michelle, I called the other day about my account and the technician was able to get me in, but I’m locked out again.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can I get your name?”

“Arin. ‘A’ as in airplane, ‘R’ as in raindrop, drop top, you know, that stupid meme, ‘I’ as in inertia, ’N’ as in necktie.”

“Sorry, I meant your _account_ name. I don’t need your real name, they’ll ask for that in the next department.”

I can already tell this is going to be another long day. “Egoraptor.”

“Please hold while I transfer you to the billing department.”

What the fuck do I need the billing department for? “Thanks.” I say instead, hoping my niceties will get me further than my anger.

“Hi, thanks for calling Another Digital Distribution company, my name’s Aaron. May I have your name please?”

“Account or real name?” I’m not making that mistake again.

“Your real name, sir.” His tone is lofty and condescending, like I’m an idiot for not knowing exactly what he wants from me.

“Right. It’s Arin. ‘A’ as in asshole, as in I hope you know you’re a fucking asshole, ‘R’ as in rude, you’re also fucking rude, ‘I’ as in I-hate-your-fucking-customer-service, ’N’ as in move me to the _next_  fucking department, please.”

“Please hold while I transfer you to the account recovery department.” _It’s about fucking time_.

“Sure, no problem, I love getting absolutely nothing accomplished.” Ross spins around to look at me, barely stifling a giggle. “Fuck off, Ross.”

“Thank you for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, my name is Danny, how may I help you?” The voice on the other end answers after what feels like an hour of listening to shitty elevator music.

 _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._ I mouth at Ross. “Hi Danny, I’m locked out of my account _again_.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that! Can I get your account name?”

“It’s _Egoraptor._ ” I grit my teeth.

“First name?” He types fast in the background.

“Arin. ‘A’ as in agitated, ‘R’ as in raging, ‘I’ as in irritated, ’N’ as in necrophilia because I can’t think of an angry word that starts with N right now.” 

“Last name?” He doesn’t seem fazed by my attitude at all.

“Hanson.”

“All right, just a few more questions.”

“Middle name’s Joseph, if that helps speed us along.”

“That does help, but what’s your cat’s name?”

“Fuck me. I don’t remember which cat I have on file. Is it Mimi?”

“Uh, no, that doesn’t match our records, but that’s all right, I’ll just send a confirmation number to the cell phone number we have on file, it shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes—“

“ _Hell no_ , if it’s not Mimi it’d be Mochi, I’ve only got the two cats.”

“Great. How do I spell that?”

“Please, for the love of god, tell me you’re not serious.” When he doesn’t reply right away, I realize that he _is_ being serious. Ross bursts into laughter and buries his head in his hands over at his work station, sides visibly shaking.

I flip Ross the bird even though he can’t see me through his fingers, then start spelling my cat’s name for the guy on the phone. “‘M’ as in murder, ‘O’ as in organ harvesting, ‘C’ as in curb stomp, ‘H’ as in hate crimes, ‘I’ as in icepick lobotomy.”

Danny laughs on the other end of the line, and then I hear the familiar clackclackclack of his fingers flying on the keyboard. “Well done, Mr. Hanson. You sure are creative.”

“I’m glad you think so. Not to be a dick or anything, but can I please just get into my account _today_? I have work to do.”

“Yeah, sorry, no problem.” He types something else, then walks me through the steps to getting back in. “Have a great day, Mr. Hanson.”


	3. A Month of Phone Calls.

_Error: You may not be authorized to perform this action. Please call customer service if you believe this is a mistake._

“FUCK ME!”

Ross jumps in his seat. “What the fuck are you on about this time, Hanson?”

“Fucking ADDC won’t let me in, _again_. This is ridiculous.”

He snickers and reaches for his jacket. “Now seems like a good time to take off. Good luck with that phone call, though, Arin. Give ‘em hell.”

“Fuck you, Ross. Fuck you.”

“Sorry, buddy. Holly and I have plans tonight.”

The idiots on the phone only redirect me once, amazingly enough.

“Thank you for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, my name’s Danny, what can I do for you today?”

Fuck. Does this guy live at ADDC or what? “Hi Danny, it’s Arin Hanson, calling again about getting into my account.”

“That’s A-r-e-n, right?”

I breathe as deeply through my nose as I can so I don’t physically explode like a nuclear bomb. “No, it’s A-r-i-n. ’A’ as in you’re asking-me- _again_ -for-my-information-even-though-i’ve-given-it-to-your-stupid-fucking-company-approximately-eighty-seven-times-already, ‘R’ as in ridiculous, as in your service is fucking ridiculous, ‘I’ as in I should be working right now but you’re taking up my whole day _again_ , ’N’ as in never again will I call this stupid fucking company.”

But oh, I do, because I have no other fucking choice. I make four more calls in three weeks.

* * *

 

“Hi Danny, it’s Arin again.”

“Oh hi, Arin, sorry to ask but can I get—“

“Sure, yeah, I know the drill by now. My account name is Egoraptor, first name is Arin, last name’s Hanson, middle name Joseph, I like food, art, taking a dick up the ass, and long walks on the beach. Oh, and my star sign is Capricorn, now please just let me into my fucking account.”

He laughs free and loose, and the image in my head of him suddenly shifts from swanky blonde kid fresh out of college to some dark haired glam rock guy. If nothing else, this guy’s got a great laugh. I reach for my sketchbook and pencils, and I start doodling what I think he might look like while he types my information into the computer. God, I don’t know why I _care_ what he looks like. I just want to get into my account and get some work done. But I’m starting to feel like we know each other, and he knows a lot of things about me now, so I can't help but be a _little_ bit curious about him.

“Sorry, are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m still here, and my account is still locked.”

“Okay, don’t panic but there’s more questions today for some reason. Where is your favourite vacation spot?”

“Anywhere in Japan.”

“Oh, I love Japan.” His keyboard clacks some more. “Where did you go to high school?”

“Wellington High School. That’s in Wellington, Florida if you need specifics. I dropped out though, I don’t know if I’d have even put that down in my answers.” I sketch a roundish face and big, bright eyes, then I erase the whole thing and redraw a longer, slimmer face with darker, smaller eyes.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. You’re a Florida boy, huh? I was born in New Jersey, then I moved to California to start a band.”

“How’d you get stuck doing shitty customer service for ADDC then?”

“Long story, but mostly the band thing doesn’t bring in enough cash to pay the rent. Cali’s expensive as hell.”

“I know, I’m out here too, and I had to live with a roommate for the first little while before my gaming channel and art started bringing in the dough. It gets better though, dude, I swear.”

“Yeah, maybe. Anyway, my boss is gonna have the whole barn if I don’t get through the rest of these questions.”

“All right, hit me.” I can’t pinpoint exactly where I started to soften to the customer service rep, but I’m suddenly glad Ross isn’t here to see it. He'd never stop teasing me. 

“What’s your father’s name?”

“Lloyd Hanson.”

“Lloyd with two L’s?”

“Yeah. I don’t remember answering these questions when I signed up for ADDC, but that was years ago, back when I first started Game Grumps, so hell if I know anymore.”

“Yeah, that happens a lot more than you’d probably think.” He laughs again, shorter and more distant. “So, are you married or seeing anyone?”

That one catches me off guard. I _know_ for a fact I didn’t answer that one in the sign up process, but I feel like indulging him anyway. “No, I’m not married or seeing anybody. Do you need to know my underwear colour, too?”

“Actually, that’s one thing I don’t need,” He laughs again. “It looks like we’re all set.” He walks me through the sign-in process again, and I hang up with a stupid smile on my face and a cartoon doodle of Customer Service Danny. I rip it out of the sketchbook and pin it above my computer with a bright blue thumb tack, then I get back to work.


	4. Making Plans.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I seriously suck at chapter titles, I'm sorry.

“Who’s the dude in your doodle?” Barry pauses behind me on his way to his desk.

“Oh, nobody. It’s just a doodle.”

“He’s cute.”

“Thanks, I’m not sure what I think of him.”

* * *

 

_Error: You may not be authorized to perform this action. Please call customer service if you believe this is a mistake._

I curse my way through the first two representatives, then finally, familiarity.

“Hey Danny, it’s Arin. ‘A’ as in Atlanta, ‘R’ as in Rio, ‘I’ as in Iceland, ’N’ as in Nunavut.” I don’t think we need to go through the spelling bullshit anymore because I’ve called enough now, he should definitely know how to spell my name, but it just feels like the natural thing to do now.

“Does that mean you’re a well travelled person, or just up on your geography?”

“I’ve never been to Nunavut if that’s the question. But I do like to travel.” I pull my doodle down to look at it again, trying to put his voice to the face I’ve drawn for him. _Maybe the chin could use some work_. I erase it and try again. 

“Me too.” If I didn’t know any better I’d think we were friends shooting the breeze, but I’ve still got business to attend to.

“Last name Hanson, middle name—“

“Joseph, yeah, I got you, boo.” There’s a playfulness in his voice and I find myself smiling despite the nature of the call. “Fuck this piece of shit!” He swears, then there’s a loud bang, like he might’ve smacked the phone receiver on the desk.

“Hello? What’s going on?”

“Sorry, the system’s restarting for no damn reason, _again_. This is gonna take a few minutes. I’m so sorry, Arin.”

“It’s fine.” I sigh, but I’m surprisingly not that upset about it.

“I can either put you on hold or we could, y’know, talk.”

“Whatever’s best for you, man. I mean it’s not like you can take another call while you’re on the line with me, right?”

“No, not really. There won’t be _that_ much time.”

“Thank god for small mercies. So, how’s your day going, Danny?”

“Pretty good. I’ve got rehearsals tonight for our big show next Saturday night.”

“That sounds exciting, man. Where are you playing?”

He tells me the name and I write it on the corner of my doodle. I’ll look it up later.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a gig, so I’m not sure how it’ll go.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great.” I don’t even know what kind of music they play, or what he does in the band. I’m about to ask when he announces the system’s revival.

“Arin Joseph Hanson has two cats but only one on file, he loves Japan, gaming, and art . . . And we’re in.”

“You’re pretty observant.”

“You call all the time. Of course I’m observant.”

“Well if I didn’t get locked out all the fucking time, I wouldn’t have to call!”


	5. As Fate Would Have It.

I type the venue address scribbled on the corner of the paper into the search engine. I don’t know why I was dumb enough to think there’d only be one band playing tonight, but there’s four. God, I don’t know which one Danny’s in.

“Okay, now you can’t tell me that’s a super cute doodle of nobody. There’s an address on it.” Barry rolls his chair over to mine, and I send him rolling backward with a push on the arm. “It’s _definitely_ somebody. Who is he?”

“I don’t fucking know, Barry, it’s a doodle. The address is unrelated, it was the closest piece of paper I had at the time.” I close the browser window and turn to face my friend.

“Bullshit!” Ross yells from somewhere in the office. I didn’t even know Ross was working today. “It’s Dan the Customer Service guy. Arin’s been doodling him on everything for days.”

“You’re fired, and fuck you very much for sharing, Ross.” Also, it’s _Danny_ , not Dan, but correcting Ross would muddle my point. 

“Oh, come on.” He appears out of nowhere. “Don’t tell me you’re not totally crushing on that guy. You can’t fire me for being right and telling the truth, Arin.”

“Fine, you’re not fired, but I don’t even know the guy. We’ve had like, seven conversations on the phone and those don’t count because it was all account related.”

“All of it? Icepick lobotomy and all?”

My face flushes. “He asked me to spell my cat’s name, so I did.”

Barry looks confused but unlike Ross, he’s not an asshole so he doesn’t press the issue. If our line of work had promotions I’d give one to Barry in a heartbeat; maybe I’ll just give him a raise instead.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Despite my earlier protest, I’m putting my coat on and making excuses to leave the office early.

“Where ya goin’, Arin?” Ross sing-songs and steps in my way.

“Home.”

“Oh really? Can I stop by later? Maybe play some video games?”

“Ross, stop. I don’t have time for this shit.”

“Stop what? What shit?” He feigns innocence, but there’s this annoying sparkle in his eyes. He knows exactly what’s going on. “You’re going to meet him, aren’t you?”

“You can fuck right off.”

“Ross, leave the poor guy alone!” Barry calls from his desk.

“Thanks Bear.” I push past Ross and make my way out to my car. “See you guys tomorrow!” I’m definitely going to give Barry a raise on Monday.

* * *

 

The venue is packed and I try to find somewhere to stand. I wonder if Danny’s band is actually a big deal.

Will I know Danny when I see him? I’m sure I’ll recognize him if he says anything on stage; I’m familiar with his voice by now, but what if he’s a bassist or something? 

Will I have the guts to say hello if I have the chance after the show or will I leave unnoticed? I don’t think I want to meet him. I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him or anything, even though I basically am.

I’m such an idiot for thinking this was a good idea. I just wanted to know what he looked like, but this . . . this is _beyond_ weird. I turn to leave but I’m stopped by a female voice behind me calling my name. 

“Arin? Oh my god, Arin Hanson? Is that you?” It takes a second to recognize the girl in the dim light, but then I see the blonde streak in her hair and it all clicks into place.

“Suzy the Goose! Holy shit, I haven’t seen you since high school!”

“I know! Crazy that we both ended up in California, isn’t it? Who are you here to see?”

“Oh, uh, I . . .“ I don’t know how to respond. I don’t even know their name. “Nobody in particular, I just like the local music scene. What about you?”

“Totally understandable. These guys are great. I came because my friends Brian and Danny are in Ninja Sex Party.” Dan’s a popular name, but my heartbeat quickens at the thought that maybe Suzy knows _MY_ Danny. I mean Customer Service Danny.

“That’s super cool. I’ve never heard any of these bands, but I’m stoked about it.”

“Are you here with somebody, or do you want to hang with me?”

“I’d love to hang with you.” We manage to squeeze in toward the middle of the crowd. “So, what have you been up to since high school? Are you still making art?” Suzy was an incredible artist when we were teenagers. I was insanely jealous of her skills, and I had the biggest crush on her. She’s still gorgeous all these years later, but I lean more toward men than women these days.

“Yeah, a little bit, but I’ve been focusing on my modelling career more than my art lately. What about you?”

“I run a gaming channel on YouTube with some friends and I’m an animator on my second channel.”

“Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It is! I love it.”

The house lights go down and Suzy elbows me in the ribs. “That’s Danny in the blue leotard-cape ensemble, and Brian’s the ninja.” As soon as Dan opens his mouth to greet the crowd, I know that it is indeed My—I mean,  _Customer Service_ Danny, and I’m surprised to find that he’s actually gorgeous. He looks like glam-rock meets tired-gamer. My heart climbs up into my throat and I can’t convince it to come down for anything until the show ends.

“Thanks for letting me hang out with you, Suzy. It was great to see you again, but I gotta go home.” I have to redraw Danny before I lose the image in my head; the features of his face are so different from my drawing. He’s got a bit of a cleft in his chin, and his eyes are a little more sunken in than I pictured, and his hair’s a lot curlier, but it’s just about as big and long as I thought it’d be. But I know the second I sit down again with paper and pencil, the first thing I’m going to do is try — and fail — to capture his smile.

“Oh, I only came for NSP. I’ll walk out with you.” She smiles brightly and takes me by the arm so we don’t lose each other.

“Suzy!” His voice is instantly recognizable in the hallway. I freeze in my tracks instinctively. He saw her, which means he might’ve seen me. _Ohgodohgodohgod._

I need to chill the fuck out. It’s not like he knows who I am, and even if he did, it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. Right? 

“Danny!” Suzy drags me along with her. My plan at this point is to speak as little as possible.

“I’m so glad you made it out!” Danny hugs her close. “Hey, I’m Danny Sexbang.” He introduces himself when he releases Suzy again, still grinning like a man who has everything as he stretches his hand out for me to shake. My palms are sweaty, but I manage to put my hand in his and give it a little shake before I let my hands hang limply at my sides again.

“I’m um,” My tongue is thick in my mouth. “I’m Arin.” Maybe he won’t recognize me.

“Nice to meet you Arin.”

“Arin and I were friends in high school and we haven’t seen each other since, but we happened to meet up again tonight. Fate has such a funny way of bringing people together.”

“Yeah, fate.” I laugh awkwardly. If anything I think I forced fate’s hand and now I’m regretting every decision I’ve ever made that led me to this point. "Funny thing, that fate." 

“Wait, how do you spell your name?” Danny’s eyes widen. He knows, and I’m fucked with a capital F. I could easily lie and spell my name wrong, but Suzy would rat me out.

I should’ve cancelled my ADDC account the second time I got locked out, but no, I kept calling, kept getting to know Danny, and now I’m standing across from him at a show I never would’ve come to see had it not been for the address I scribbled on a doodle of a man I’ve only heard through the phone and thought about. I’m in too far to turn back now. “‘A’ as in anxious as fuck, ‘R’ as in I’m REALLY embarrassed right now, ‘I’ as in I should go, ’N’ as in—“

“No fucking way.”

“Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I promise I’m not stalking you or anything, I just —“

“Nah, don’t worry about it, come here.” He invites but he doesn’t give me the chance to move, closing the gap and embracing me in one swift motion. His grip is tight but not suffocating, like a good hug should be, and he smells pretty good considering he just got off stage. 

Suzy watches in wide eyed wonder, and I wonder if we've held on to each other too long for this to pass as normal. “You guys know each other?”

“You could say that in a weird kind of way.” I finally pull away from Danny, still feeling like I made a terrible mistake by coming here. I overstepped the boundaries by a lot. He's just being nice to me.  


	6. Barry's Gettin' Paid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: I as in —
> 
> Hey guys, this was supposed to be the last chapter but inspiration struck for a 7th, so I'm working to get that up by Monday (February 13th!).  
> Hopefully you like it :)

Elevator music plays in my ear and I look up at the latest drawing of Danny hanging above my desk next to the first two attempts. I still don’t have his face quite right, but the second and third attempts are closer than my blind drawing, for sure.

“Nice shrine.” Ross snickers on his way past.

I don’t even bother to reply, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I flip Ross off with both hands.

“Thank you for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, this is Danny speaking, how may I help you?”

“Hey Danny, it’s Arin. ‘A’ as in apple, ‘R’ as in rose, ‘I’ as in —“ It’s been two weeks since the concert, making it two weeks since I had to call, maybe he’s forgotten how to spell my name.

“‘I’ as in I like you, and I’m so glad you called.”

“Pardon me?”

“'IreallylikeyouandI’vebeenlockingyououtofyouraccountonpurposesoIcouldtalktoyou.”

“Slow down, Sexbang, I didn’t catch a word of what you just said. Wanna repeat that one more time but say it slower this time?”

“You can report me to the authorities or whatever you have to do, but I like you and I’ve been locking you out of your account on purpose so I could talk to you.” He’s still talking insanely fast, but I can at least make out the gist of it.

“What the fuck, Danny?”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to do it after the last time, but then you showed up at my show and I saw you in person and you were just as cool as I thought you’d be, and I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and today’s my last day, so I thought I’d tell you before I never get to talk to you again.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, and I know they’d fire me for a stunt like this if I hadn’t already quit. I’m pretty sure you can call the cops if you want to though, for misuse of power or some shit like that.”

“I don’t want to call the cops, I just want you to tell me why you did it.”

“The first time I talked to you I thought you were really funny and I wanted to get to know you better, then I just kept wanting to get to know you better so I kept locking you out so you’d have no choice but to call and get me to help you. I’m sorry, I know you said you use your account for work and what I did was wrong, but—“

“I suddenly feel a lot better about showing up at _your_ place of work, then—“

“Arin, it’s a concert. I’d have been pretty upset if you hadn’t shown up at my place of work. That’s kinda the point of playing music; you want people to listen to you. Why do you think I gave you the venue address?”

“You mean you wanted me there?” I guess I hadn't thought about that. 

“Of course I did. I just didn’t think you’d actually show up.”

“I had to know what you looked like.” I catch a glimpse of Ross out of the corner of my eye, and I swear I’ve never seen him look so smug. I'm going to punch him one of these days, I swear to god. “I also don’t know how to feel about cancelling my account now.”

“You’re cancelling?”

“I actually cancelled the night of the concert, but my subscription runs through to the end of the month.”

“Oh god, was meeting me that bad?”

“No,” I glance up at my ‘shrine’ as Ross calls it, and I can't help but smile at the memory of meeting him and the way his eyes lit up when he realized it was me. “No, it wasn’t you, I was just tired of losing access to my account all of the time.”

“I could reinstate your account if you want, now that I’m leaving.”

Honestly I don’t think I want my account anymore if it means I won’t get to talk to Danny anymore. “Or I could just call you directly, if you’re still into that idea.”

“I can’t get you back into your account that way, but yes, I’m still into that.”

“Well by the sounds of things I wouldn't be locked out nearly as often, either.”

“Fair point. So what do you say?”

"All right, tell your boss you talked me into keeping the account, Sexbang."

We exchange phone numbers, then he renews my account for me and lifts the ban, and we hang up. It'll be weird to have a different rep after almost two months of talking to Danny, but now I can talk to him whenever I want to instead of whenever he decides to lock me out of my account, so that'll be nice.

Ross turns his chair around, presumably to tease me now that I'm off the phone, but I beat him to the punch. “Shut the fuck up if you want to keep your job, Ross. I don’t want to hear it!” Then I log into my banking app and give Barry a raise.


	7. Customer Service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like that meme "[X] but every time you say [X] it gets faster". Except in my case, every time I say "one more chapter" this thing gets longer. So stay tuned for more, folks. 
> 
> And THANK YOU for reading and giving me kudos, it's made me so happy these last few days! :D

_ERROR: You are not authorized to access this account. Please call customer service if you believe this is a mistake._

I dial the phone. “I thought you quit your job at ADDC.”

“I did.” Danny affirms with a yawn. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“You’re locked out of your account, and assumed I did it? I’m _hurt_ , Arin.”

“All I’m saying is that I never had problems with ADDC until I started dealing with your bullshit.”

“Hey!” His voice is bright and animated now. “In my defence, you can't blame me for wanting to get to know you better.”

“No, I guess I can’t. I’m pretty great.” I pull out my sketchbook and pencil again, and draw cartoon Customer Service Danny for approximately the seventieth time in recent months, but this time I draw a scowl on his face, and make his eyebrows a little thicker with an angry tilt to them. I've got enough cartoon versions of Dan I could start my own comic book now, but for now I keep them tucked in my art folder.  

He laughs. “You are indeed. So a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do.”

“But you didn’t _have_ to. You could’ve asked me for my number that time we were shooting the breeze because ‘the computer restarted’.”

“It did. That wasn’t bullshit, just pure luck on my part. I actually dropped the fucking handset onto the desk I was so happy to have a few extra minutes to talk to you.”

“You’re a sad man, Sexbang.” But even as I say it, I feel like I’ve got a high school crush again with the way my heart’s pounding in my chest.

“Maybe, but I know you love it or you wouldn’t keep talking to me. And it’s Avidan, by the way. Sexbang’s just my stage name.”

“That makes a lot more sense. Sexbang would be a pretty wild name, though. Danny Avidan, that’s—“

“Technically it’s Leigh Daniel Avidan.” He says softly. “But Leigh just never felt like me.”

“Leigh Daniel Avidan. That’s still a nice name.”

“Thanks.” He pauses. “Wait a second, are you mocking our first conversation? I could hang up right now, Hanson. Don’t think I won’t.”

“Even if you did hang up, at least I wouldn’t be redirected five times before I got to talk to you when I called back.”

“You’d actually call back?”

“No, I hate you. My god. Of course I’d call you back. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“I figured you didn’t want to talk to me, which is why it took you two weeks to call me in the first place.” My stomach drops.

“Shit, Danny, I’ve been meaning to call, but I’ve been so busy with work. There’s been the usual Grump stuff, but we’re supposed to appear at a gaming convention in New York next week so I’ve been trying to get everything together for that. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I was honestly scared to find out whether you gave me a fake number or not.”

“What, why?”

“I don’t know, maybe you felt pressured to give me a number, any number, when I told you about what I’d been doing to your account or something.”

“No, I mean I already said you could’ve outright _asked_ me for my number instead of making me fucking hate you and your business practices, but—“

“Cool, that’s all I wanted to know. You can call customer service and ask for Vernon now.”

“Why? What the fuck did you do, Dan?”

“Trust me, just call him. And then call me later.” He fucking _giggles_ , and then hangs up before I have the chance to tell him to stick his phone up his ass.


	8. Exclamation Point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably (definitely) had I Love You Period by Dan Baird stuck in my head while writing this chapter, then realized the chorus was actually pretty applicable to the whole fic.
> 
> Anyway. I *THINK* there should only be one more chapter after this one :)

“E - r - i - n?” This is the third ADDC representative that’s asked how to spell my name today.

“No, it’s spelled with an A.”

“E - r - _A_ \- n?”

“No,” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying hard not to lose my cool. “It’s A - r - i - n. Can I please speak to Vernon now?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hanson, Vernon’s on his lunch break. I can—“

I slam my fist into the desk so hard the whole thing shakes. “Why couldn’t the first rep have told me Vernon was on his break?”

“He just went on his break about five minutes ago.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? The first person could’ve just handed the fucking phone to Vernon when I fucking asked, you didn’t have to fuck me around like this—“

“Please don’t use that type of language with me, Mr. Hanson.”

“Fine, I’ll call back later.” I hang up before she can say anything else.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello, thanks for calling Another Digital Distribution Company, my name’s Vernon, how may I help you?”

“Hi Vernon, my name’s Arin Hanson, I’m locked out of my account. Danny Avidan told me to call you, he used to work—“

“Yeah, yeah, I know Dan! I’ve been waiting for your call. I’ll just open up your account and let you in.”

“No security questions?”

“Pfft. Let me just read you the note Dan left on my desk when he quit, okay?” I hear the sound of papers rustling in the background. “Here we go, ’Arin Joseph Hanson a.k.a Egoraptor, has two cats but the one on file is named Mochi.' He underlined this next part twice, it says, 'Do not ask him to spell things, it makes him angry.’ Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point,” Vernon laughs. “‘Of course, he’s pretty cute when he’s angry, and also when he’s embarrassed. Okay, he’s just cute in general, but I guess you don’t need that to get into his account.’ Then he drew a very cute doodle on the bottom of the note and labelled it ‘Arin’, but god only knows if it’s accurate. And then I woke up this morning to a phone call, ‘Vernon’,” He makes his voice high pitched and whiny, very un-Dan like. “‘Can you do me a favour?’ And I owed him one, so,” He lowers his voice considerably. “I put your account on temporary hold so you’d call him, which I’m guessing you did.”

“I can’t believe this. This is fucking ridiculous.”

“You did call him, right?” I imagine this guy sitting at his desk — which might’ve been Danny’s desk at one point by the sound of it — with his finger hovering over the ‘reactivate’ button like he holds all the power in the world.

“Yes, I called him. That’s how I knew to call you.”

“Perfect. You’re all set then, Mr. Hanson. Have a good day!” I need to have a word with Danny as soon as possible.

* * *

 

“Hey, Ross and I are gonna head back to my place,” Barry stops at my desk and pats me on the shoulder. “We’re probably just going to order food and play games for a few hours, so you should swing by when you’re done. Get out of the work setting for a bit.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve, uh, got other plans.”

“Ooh, do those plans involve Customer Service Dan?” Some days Ross is like a headache; he shows up out of nowhere and causes a great deal of discomfort. I mean, I love the guy but I also want to kill him on a regular basis.

“I just want you to know that every time you ask me about Dan, Barry gets a raise. So you might want to watch your mouth, O’Donovan.”

“Is that what’s been happening? Oh my god.” Barry doubles over with his hands braced on his knees because he’s laughing too hard to remain upright. “I was wondering what was up with the random raises, but I wasn’t about to complain. Do I have to give the money back eventually?” There are tears in his eyes when he finally rights himself. 

“Nah, it’s yours, man. You work hard, and you’re not an asshole like somebody else that works here," I glare at Ross. "So I think you deserve it. But I might have to put a cap on things at some point, before I’m bankrupt and you’re able to retire at thirty-five years old.”

“Sure, no problem. I’ll see you tomorrow, Arin. Good luck with your _plans_ tonight.” He’s still laughing on his way out the door.

“Let me know when you hit your cap so I can ask about your love life again. It’s fun.” Ross smirks at me before following Barry out to the parking lot. 


	9. Date Grumps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING FINALLY, you guys! I'm so sorry this took so long!! Life's been crazy; I'm working full time now, and my computer cord literally exploded on me (wtf, Apple?!) but I'm finally back! :D  
> I'm indecisive about whether or not I'll keep adding to this. I feel like I've got (at least) another chapter in me and I'm leaning toward NOT done but DAMN you guys, this is so much longer than originally intended! And I don't know how often I'll be able to update now with my new job :/  
> At any rate, thank you for your support and kudos up to this point. I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter too! Thank you for your patience <3 
> 
> I plan to go back and edit some of the earlier chapters soon because I was rereading for continuity accuracy and CRINGING at some of the dialogue and descriptions! :3 But anyway. I'm gonna shut up now. Enjoy!
> 
> (P.S I know Barbie The Island Princess is old, but I fucking _loved_ that playthrough. Leave me alone)

“This is twice you’ve called me in one day. What’s the special occasion, Arin?” Dan answers on the second ring, sunshine in his voice. 

“You  _ asked _ me to call back, you giant bag of dicks. I can’t believe you had someone else lock me out of my account. Is this kind of fuckery going to be a regular thing?”

“No, I  _ promise _ that was it. Vernon only owed me the one favour, so I thought I’d throw out my last hook and hope for the best.” 

“Yeah, he told me about that. He also told me about the note you left him.” He’s so quiet on the other end I actually check the display to make sure he’s still on the line. “Yo, Dan. Talk to me.” He doesn’t. “What are you doing tonight?” 

“I dunno, Brian and Suzy asked if I wanted to tag along when they go to dinner but I think I might stay home. I’m not a great third wheel.” Suzy’s with that Brian guy? Interesting. I try to picture them together but it’s nearly impossible when I haven’t actually seen Brain’s face out of the Ninja costume. 

“Well, maybe  _ we _ could do something if you’re up to it?” 

“Are you asking me on a date?” 

“I was just thinking we could order take out and get to know each other better.” I honestly hadn’t considered calling it a date, but I’m not opposed to the idea, either. “I don’t know if you even like video games but—“

“I love video games.” He cuts me off.

“Awesome, so my office has a pretty sweet setup if you want to come hang here, or we could—” 

“No, that sounds like fun.”

“Cool, I’ll text you the address.” We hang up, then I frantically try to clean up the worst of the junk in the Grump space before Dan arrives. There are probably enough greasy take out wrappers laying around I could wallpaper my apartment with them. I crumple them all up and stuff them in the garbage, then I put all of the coffee mugs and stray saucers I see in the kitchen sink. The dishes can wait until later, or tomorrow, or whenever somebody gets around to doing them. I make a mental note to set up a new cleaning schedule around here because our current one is obviously failing. Maybe I'll make Ross do it because he's been such an ass lately. 

My stomach is in knots forty minutes later when the buzzer for the front door rings. And it just sorta hits me. _I have a date_ , and I don’t remember the last time I was able to say that. Ross would be so proud, but of course I’m not going to tell him. 

“Hello?” I’m shaking when I answer the intercom.

“Hey Arin, it’s Dan.” 

“Come on in.” I push the button to allow him entry to the building, then I sit in my desk chair, stand up, then sit back down again.  _ Stop being ridiculous _ . I finally walk to the door and open it to reveal Danny pacing back and forth in the hallway. He looks fine as hell in a brown leather jacket and blue jeans. 

“Oh shit.” His eyes widen.  _ It looks like he’s freaking out as much as I am _ . “Hi.” Then we both burst out laughing at ourselves, and at each other. He opens his arms to hug me and I relax in his embrace.  

“Hi! Come on in, I’ll order food and then I’ll show you the Grump room. That’s where we keep the games.” 

“Cool.” I take his jacket and hang it on the coat rack beside mine. 

* * *

“So Danny, you already know a lot about me, you should tell me more about you.” We’re eating sushi on the Grump couch with some anime neither of us are paying attention to playing on the TV. 

“Uh, you already know I was born and raised in Jersey, I’m clearly Jewish — I had a bar mitzvah and everything, and that was a pretty big deal. You also know I write songs about my dick in my spare time, and I wouldn’t want to do anything else in life, but I worked as a customer service representative for a digital distribution company and hated every fucking second of it until this super cool guy started calling about being locked out of his account, and—“

“Hey, you’re not going to get out of telling me about yourself by flattering me, but nice try.”

He snorts. “I wasn’t talking about you, hot shot, I was talking about  _ Brian _ .” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah, that’s how we met, too. I didn’t lock him out of his account though, the dude just had shit luck with the website—“

“Right, I  _ definitely _ believe that.”

“Honest to god, Arin, I wouldn’t make this up. Sexbang’s honour.” He does the Scout's salute.

“Does Sexbang  _ have _ any honour?”

“Of course I fucking do.” He pouts for half a second before the corners of his mouth pull back up into a happy, albeit somewhat goofy grin. “Anyway, the computer systems we had in the office were even shittier back then, if you can believe that, and they randomly restarted a lot more often so I got to chat with Brian all the time. We exchanged numbers, quickly became close friends, and started Ninja Sex Party not too long after that.”

“Were you ever interested in him?” Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but I do, and he doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Romantically? Oh god, no. He’s not my type, and thank fuck for that because he’s about as straight as they come. But he’s by far the best friend I’ve ever had so I won’t hold his heterosexuality against him.” 

“Wait, didn’t you play a song at your show about ‘only Brian’s gay’ or something?” I finish my sushi and put the empty container on the end table beside me, turning my full attention on my date. 

“It’s musical comedy, Arin, try not to take it so seriously.” He reaches across me to put his empty container in mine, then he leans against me. “Besides, I also say he’s ugly, fat, stupid, and he has an STD throughout the course our first album but only two of those things are true.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“I can’t tell you which ones or Ninja Brian would have to kill you, and I can’t let that happen.” 

“Right. You worked way too hard to have me killed off this early in the game.” He laughs and the sound vibrates through my body, and god, it makes me happy to even be sharing the same space as him. 

“So glad you get me.” With the way we’re sitting I can’t see Dan’s face, but I can tell by the tone in his voice that he’s smiling. 

I sling my arm loosely around his slim shoulders, hand above his heart, and try to pay attention to the TV for the first time since we turned it on an hour ago but I’m not sure what’s going on now. Not like it matters. 

“Are we going to play video games or just sit here and cuddle?” Danny teases after a few minutes of staring at the television. 

“Y’know, as much as I like that second idea, I did promise you dinner  _ and _ video games, and I am a man of my word.” When I turn to ask him what he wants to play, I get a mouthful of dark hair instead. 

“Oh god, sorry.” He sits up and finger-combs his hair back into a ponytail, securing it with a hair tie he digs out from the front pocket of his jeans. 

“All right, let’s try this again. What do you want to play?”

Danny’s eyes widen, not unlike the anime character’s eyes on TV, when he stands up to look at the game shelves. “My  _ god _ , you have a lot of games.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s kinda what we do here at Game Grumps.” I put extra emphasis on the word game, and he turns back to smile at me before getting back to the task at hand. 

“No fucking way! I thought you guys knit sweaters and sang kumbaya at Game Grumps.” 

“Oh, shit dude, you’re right. We do those things  _ all the time _ , but on rare occasions we also play games, so we keep them kicking around in case." 

* * *

It takes him a good twenty minutes to go through the games, but I don’t mind; I half-watch TV and half-watch him shuffle the boxes back and forth. He’s humming a song I recognize but can’t put my finger on, but I’m thinking it might be something by Rush.

He finally comes back to the couch with a small stack of games in his hands. “Can you just tell me why you have  _ Barbie as The Island Princess _ ?” He holds up the title in question. 

“That’s my favourite game.” I try to keep a straight face when looks me in the eye but I can’t, falling forward onto his shoulder in a fit of giggles. “Honestly though, the fans send us a lot of games.” I explain when I sit up and calm down enough to talk.  

“And you keep them?” 

“Not only do we  _ keep _ them, we actually _ play _ them on the show.”

“Oh my god. That’s incredible. I want to play  _ Barbie as The Island Princess _ , then.” He doesn’t even bother to show me the other games in his hands, setting them on the end table with our food containers. I spy  _ Mega Man X _ and  _ Kirby’s Epic Yarn _ and sigh. He’s got great taste in games and yet he had to go and choose the ridiculous one. 

“I don’t know, Dan, that game makes me especially grumpy.”

“We’re definitely going to play this Island Princess shit, then. I have to know what I’m getting into.”

“Why don’t you just, I don’t know, watch Game Grumps?” 

“I do watch Game Grumps, but I want to experience it myself.”

“All right, fine, but  _ only  _ because I like you.” 

“I’ll take it.” He grins. 

I set up the game and bring him a controller. “Take it from someone who knows first hand, you should play story mode; multiplayer sucks ass. I mean, the whole game sucks ass, but multiplayer is just  _ that _ much worse.”

“Nuh uh, I want to watch you play.” He hands the controller back to me and folds his arms across his chest. 

We pass the controller back and forth for a few minutes before he finally convinces me to take turns. “You go first to show me what the fuck I’m doing, then I’ll play and we can compete for scores.”

“It’s not that serious. I promise.” I skip the intro. “Here’s the deal: Barbie’s on an island, there’s a super douchey prince, and a haughty peacock, yada, yada, yada,” I recognize the missed opportunity to describe the peacock as cocky too late and mentally kick myself for it. “Now we have to play these shitty minigames that have nothing to do with anything for no apparent reason at all.” I can’t believe he talked me into this. I swore I’d never play this game again after Ross and I finished our playthrough, and yet here I am on the Grump couch reliving the worst week of my life all over again, and not completely hating it. At least not yet.

“We can  _ make  _ it that serious.”

“All right. What happens if I win?” 

“Uhhh,” He fumbles for a second. “You can kiss me goodnight.”

“Ooh, okay,” I rub my hands together in anticipation. I’m gonna kick his ass. “What if you win?”

“If I win, we go on a second date.” On second thought, maybe I’ll let him win.

“That’s a super lame prize.” 

“Hey! Are you saying you don’t want to go on a second date with me?” 

“Not at all, I just think you’re getting the shitty end of the stick here.”

He elbows me in the side, hard.

“Ow! What the fuck was that, dude?”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are the  _ golden _ end of the stick.”

“Whatever, Dan. Point is, you’re going to lose.” I press start on one of the minigames and skip the instructions. It’s not like it’s hard. “So wait, if I win, I get to kiss you goodnight and never see you again?”

“We’ll see.” He starts humming again.

* * *

 

“Fuck this piece of fucking shit . . . the controls on this thing are  _ beyond _ fucked.”

“Arin, I thought you were good at games!” Danny half-whines as I try to ring the bells in the correct order. I don’t understand why this isn’t fucking working. 

“I thought you said you watched Game Grumps."

“I’m starting to think you don’t even want to kiss me. You’re not even trying.”

“I do. This is just fucking hard. Stop distracting me.” I keep shaking the nunchuck to no avail. “Fuck it.” I hand him the controls. “Have at it, man.” 

He gets the hang of the bell game on his first try. “Fuck you. How’d you do that?” 

“It’s easy, just do it like this.” He presses restart on the game and tries to demonstrate, but I don’t see the difference between what he’s doing and what I did. 

“I repeat: fuck you.” 

“Nah, it’s getting late, I should really get going,” He stands up and yawns. “This island princess needs to sleep before he turns into an ugly toad.” He twirls and curtsies with a tug on an imaginary dress. 

“That could literally never happen.” I think Dan Avidan is the most beautiful human I’ve ever laid eyes on. “And thanks for the mental image of you in that snazzy Barbie princess dress.”

“No problem, dude. Just trying to give you _fuel_ until you see me next.” 

“Thanks for that. I'll put it in the spank bank for a rainy day. Anyway, I should get home, too. I’ll walk you out.” 

I help him into his jacket, shrug mine over my shoulders, and grab my keys. We step into the hallway but hesitate at the front door.

“Thanks for inviting me over, this was fun.” 

“Yeah, it was. I’m glad you came.”

“Hey, I know you lost and all, but I’m feeling generous. Want to kiss victory goodbye?” He inches closer to me, grinning. 

I laugh at his ridiculous phrasing, but boy, do I ever. “I’d be stupid to say no to such a merciful offer from a handsome prince.” I lean in and he closes the gap before I have the chance. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed, I’m shaking as his lips press against mine, and I pray he can’t tell.

He reaches for my hand and there’s something so sweet about the gesture, I just melt against him. 

God only knows how long we stay in the hallway with his hands tangled in my hair and my fingers snaked in the belt loops of his jeans, making out like a couple of teenagers, but it’s fucking _awesome_ until he breaks away, breathless and grinning. “I really, really have to go home."

“Me too.” But even so, I lean in to kiss him one more time but he stops me with an open palm to my chest. 

“Seriously, Arin, Brian's going to worry. What are you doing tomorrow night?” 

“Nothing, why?”

“NSP’s playing the same venue as last time, I was hoping you’d come pretend to be my groupie.” He winks. 

“I’ll be there,” I promise. “But I won’t be pretending.” 

He kisses me again, quick and imprecise. “Maybe we can double with Suzy and Brian after the show?”

“Sounds like fun.” I kiss him one more time and we walk hand in hand to our cars, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. Maybe I will tell Ross about this after all. 


End file.
